Ann-Marie is kicking cancer’s ass

My beautiful Keela, my shadow, my napping partner… is sick ?. She started throwing up minutes after I took this picture yesterday.

Thankfully the tests are not showing anything in her GI tract so that rules out the need for surgery, phew! The vet is keeping her overnight to hydrate her and hopefully tomorrow she comes home. But I miss my napping partner ?.

I, myself, have been feeling completely normal, like I don’t have cancer. I’m still sporting my buzz cut; no hair loss yet but I’m sure it’s coming soon!

I’ve been spending my time working out with Carla and she has been kicking my ass!!! And boy does it hurt! Tonight I had the brilliant idea of doing one of her classes…. I think I will regret it.. No correction, I KNOW I will regret it!! ?. But it’s making me stronger for chemo which is my goal; strong body and strong mind!

I’ve also been preparing for chemo.. doing stuff around the house that I know I won’t be able to do next week, prepping for Xmas, and spending quality with the kids. Monday I get to spend most of my day at the hospital; first getting my PICC line, then blood work and finally seeing the oncologist before chemo on Tuesday.

I think many wonder or are concerned on how I’m doing. I can tell you with 150% certainty that I am doing amazing. Psychologically I feel better than ever; happier, at peace, and mentally strong. Physically I feel stronger than ever and I continue to push myself.

I think Dan and the kids are doing fairly well also. As long I can keep this up I am confident everyone around me will also be just fine.

Your love and support fuels my “ok-ness” and my determination. Know that I am grateful.. every day… for everyone.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️???

Wow! I am so emotionally impacted by the surprise that appeared on my front door. Anita, a dear coworker from my previous Sun Media days, and her son Christopher, came representing many other former colleagues with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, card and wonderful gifts. I am so touched I cannot move past the tears that are welling…

As destructive as this disease is, I cannot express how truly grateful I am to experience these moments where I am in awe of humanity.. I am truly in awe ❤️.

Thank you Anita, Christopher, Mark, Marcella, Rula, Melanie, Jennifer and all of my former Sun Media family. I am at a loss for words…

When I was young, in my early 20’s, I had an irrational fear of death. Living through the loss of Michelle and Victoria lead me to accept death which eliminated the fear of it from my life. Years later when I was 30 and with Dan, I was once again faced with another complicated pregnancy. It ultimately uncovered my blood disorder but almost killed me in the process and did result in the death of our daughter Hope. At the beginning of that pregnancy I was terrified and felt a complete lack of control. The lack of control brought me to a dark place that was far more intense than my fear of death had been. However, life had plans and I was forced to accept that I had no control, over anything! It was the most difficult lesson that I still struggle to accept.

I think of death and I think of control (or lack of) as 2 big markers in my life that were significant to my development and that truly define who I am. Oddly, before either of the traumatic events of those pregnancies happened, I had sensed that something terrible was going to happen and my fear went into overdrive.

Similarly this has happened again with cancer. For the last year I think I knew I had cancer. And I feared it. Because I never thought I would get cancer! I would never be touched by this horrible disease. So I thought. I still can’t wrap my head around it…. and I’ve now lived one chemo treatment… which by the way is in no way fun!!! But the reality is that I do have cancer and I have to accept it and everything that is going to come with it. So I will go through each step and stage with as much acceptance and peace as I can. By accepting cancer and all it’s ugliness I will have the power to focus on destroying it.

With that, chemo #1 is done and I am feeling better. Tomorrow I will proactively rid myself of my blue locks and will hurdle another milestone.

One step at a time.. bye bye hair

Wow, this is long… very long and very boring. I can only stay awake for about 2 hour increments and when I am awake I can’t focus on anything but food… my stomach feels like it is expanding exponentially!!! So I just took a bath with the hopes it would shrink

I’m fairly certain it did not work!

Like yesterday I’m trying to fight this exhaustion with exercise. This morning Dan and I took Keela for a walk in the snow and blasting cold! The little 1.5k felt like 5 but we made it through. Later in the afternoon after another nap I walked on the treadmill again… but somehow I still feel like just large and tired. Pregnant actually… that’s how I feel, pregnant! But I’m definitely not that!

I am taking my anti nausea meds on a frequent basis but it’s all under control and I feel well in that sense. And now I just wait, wait for these days to end so that I can refocus on running and building my strength for chemo #2 on Nov 28th.

Enjoy your Friday evening!! Please… for me, do something exciting!

So far today I’m doing good.. although this may have something to with the fact that I took an extra anti nausea pill by accident! (Oops!). I’ve got a call into the nurse but the pharmacist didn’t think it was an issue. Like I said, so far so good. I am very tired and took a nap this morning. I will be heading for another one as soon as finish this post and make the kids lunches for tomorrow.

Yesterday was not so good as I mentioned. I think the reason why was because the meds made me so tired in the morning and I couldn’t nap because I was at the hospital so long. By the time I was able to it was already too late and I was very nauseated.

Today I did nap in the morning. and I feel a millions times better. I also had the pleasure of giving myself the autoimmune injection under the supervision of the CCAC nurse. She gave me the seal of approval to go ahead and self administer the remaining injections. Of course before heading out to the clinic I had to stop for a little refuel at Starbucks!

I love the very berry hibiscus refresher! ?

I hope everyone is having a great day!

?❤️?