Angst!

Stress! Stress is a major cause of cancer… good thing I already have cancer because I am sooooo stressed! More likely I am anxious 😟… because tomorrow is chemo #5. This in itself should be reason to jump for joy; just one more to go after tomorrow!!!! However you all remember the last one right? The one where my body felt like it was being continuously stabbed? The one where I was convinced there was a voodoo doll with my name on it and some sick individual was having a ball stabbing it to death? Ya that one… That one is why I am so STRESSED 😩!

So right now I’m trying to calm myself down. I’ve done a bit of a workout, some yoga, meditation and chanting. As I type I’m listening to Halsey. She is such an awesome artist! Her speech last week at the women’s march was heart wrenching… a reminder that we never know what’s going on in someone else’s world. Anyway, her music is beautiful and a reminder that I’m not the only person with a story.

Although it’s really difficult to be upbeat right now because, quite frankly, I am one cranky b*tch, I’m still trying. I think now would be a good time for me to go back and reread all my posts.. to remind me to fight, to appreciate, and to be at peace with all this. As time goes on, peace is becoming more difficult. Fear is predominant. Lack of control is overwhelming. The reality that this could come back is always present in my mind.

What I need to do is recenter and refocus; take control of my wandering thoughts and always remember this quote as I keep up with this marathon of a war between cancer and my body!



  • Though I cannot truely know what you are feeling, I have observed thise going through this and your pro-active approach, state of mind and openness have brought you many supporters. I feel your are so courageous to share your storey and you rally people around and help us better understand how you are dealing with this aweful situation. Please know that we love and support you in this time of struggle where the fight must be just as fierce at the attach and what is considered as collateral damage is unspeakably onerous to endure, for you personally and your family and friends who are closest to you and who witness this first hand. Lean on them, and together your mind and spirit will heal!


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