I have many emotions weaving in and out of my body and mind right now. Thoughts that I quickly push away into a corner of my brain so that the emotions don’t overtake my very thin thread of control. Because really what is the point? To give in to the fear would only be a disadvantage to me as cancer would be momentarily winning this battle, and it won’t, so I can’t give into the fear, not even for fleeting moment.
To further solidify my determination, I must also reassure my very scared children. This is the most difficult reality of this journey; they are terrified and tonight that fear is the only reality they know.
I started to write that I wish I had something good to share, and then realized that I do: so many dear friends and family have reached out to me today. The words, the silence when needed, and the support have been very important for me.
As I go into the hospital tomorrow I will carry all of this with me. I won’t be perfect, but I will smile my way through it and continue to be determined to fight this battle with all my strength and with my army of friends and family behind me.
Good luck with the surgery tomorrow! Once you are ready for visitors, let me know (and any special requests that you might have)! Love you.
May God guide the doctors who will be looking after your procedure. I hope you have a successful surgery jefa.
I need it to be known, and to scream from the mountaintops, that you are single-handedly the bravest woman I know!! And I cannot even begin to describe what I have seen over the past few weeks – the resiliency, the determination to seek the support you need, the unapologetic display of expectations, the sheer will to survive at all costs. It has given me more courage in my own life and the courage to be there for you in all the ways that I can, even if it hurts. And let me tell you…it f’n hurts. There is no covering it up. It hurts like hell. It hurts to see an entire family that I love going through this – as I am sure it is hurting everyone who loves you and your family. But you are doing it. You already are. Amazingly. Imperfectly. Gracefully. Remember to forgive all that is right now, even when it seems wrong and unfair, because this is new territory for all, and everyone is dealing with it in their own way. But don’t doubt for one second how much everyone in your life loves you and cares about you. Good luck tomorrow morning – ’cause it never hurts to have a little bit of chance going your way. I will see you bright and early ;). Hugs ‘n kisses – Tam
Thinking of you today. Stay strong.
Thinking of you today Ann-Marie wishing you a speedy recovery