Emotional day

I’m speechless, and grateful. I feel like I have been saying that a lot lately.

Today was the first day of school, which started my emotional day.

Madison actually woke up on her own! (Mark this day in history because I’m not sure it will happen again). And she got herself ready and out on time with no yelling from us!

Next was Shane. Per our usual first-day-of-school routine, Shane got on the bus and we raced to school to be there before he got off the bus.

This is my “we are rushing to the bus stop” picture of Shane:

I get to school and immediately see familiar faces… however those faces don’t yet know my diagnosis. This starts my “emotional” day. As I stand there waiting for the bus, I feel the need to tell these people who have known me, my children, my family, for 10 years that I have cancer. But I don’t, obviously… their job is to take care of the kids, not me.

After a few minutes Shane’s bus shows up. Immediately I am reminded of him getting off the bus for JK:

But he is a lot bigger now! And I think “this could be the last time I do this”…. because who really knows? And I really did give in to this at that moment and held back my tears. Now, hours later as I write this, my thoughts are “NO this will not be the last time! I will kick this cancer right out of my life and I will be at that exact spot next year when Shane gets off the bus!

As Shane and I made our to the back to meet the teachers and find out which class he was in, I was once again overcome with overwhelming gratitude that his teacher was the same as Madison’s 5th grade teacher. Of course she was unaware in that moment that all I wanted to do was give her the biggest hug and cry! The level of relief I felt knowing Shane would be so well taken care was truly a blessing to me. And now that I had this relief, I left him and made my way to work for what may have been my last day.

Since my diagnosis, walking into work has been a new day every day.. I wonder “who knows, who doesn’t know. How do I act? What do I say?” Etc, etc, etc. Today I walked in and immediately noticed the pink.. everyone on my team was in pink. Then I went over to my bosses office and noticed my peer in pink.. so I asked what was going on? Her response “it’s for you”. Tears, more tears, and tears as I write this. Never ever I have felt so much support. I cannot express the swelling in my heart for my Sienna family. I am loved, I am protected, I am cherished and I am surrounded by positivity and warmth.

And it went further than the pink uniform. I pretty much spent my entire day in a boardroom due to meetings and after one of them, I was suddenly surrounded by my pink friends that included not only my team, but People and IT. There, they presented me with a gift.. I was given a blanket; a beautiful blanket that is meant to be my team and coworkers “blanket of hug” when I cannot be with them. I’m wearing it now, feeling the hugs that everyone jokes about because as my best friend Kevin (who died of cancer 3 years ago) would tell me “I know you don’t like hugs but you need a hug”.

I am hugged, I am loved, I will go into tomorrow with all of this and I will move forward with dedication, perseverance and the passion that consumes me to hop, skip and overcome all the obstacles in my path!

  • I’m here for you if you ever need a shoulder, a smile or just a good laugh. I didn’t realize you were going through this. I’m glad you are sharing with your friends and loved ones. YOU WILL beat this! With all my love, Liz

  • This is a beautiful blog. I know you will beat this one out like the fighter that you are. When you need help, a talk or a hug, just ask and I will be there!

  • Beautiful as always

    It’s hard to write your feelings during this crazy time but I know it will give you strength to beat this shit!!!