Calmness

A year ago at this time we were on vacation like we are pretty this same week of every year. This year is much different than last year. Last year I was a nervous wreck because I had been to the doctor and they were going to send me for testing, but none of that had started.

So during that week my mind went to all the worse case scenarios which, as we all know, pretty much came true.

This week I am calmer but with different stresses and different fears, probably worse fears. More so because for the first time since long before my diagnosis, I am also sick. It’s just a silly little cold but it has made its way into my lungs. It actually bypassed all other usual cold venues and planted itself directly in my lungs immediately. Also, it seems like my chemo body doesn’t really appreciate being sick… so I sort of feel like I did during that second type of chemo in the winter. Fun times!

No one tells you this stuff… no one tells you what is going to happen after chemo and radiation. They prepare you for the during, but the after is pretty unexpected. Not only how your body will react to every new scenario it experiences after but also how your mind will immediately find itself analyzing worse case scenarios. And given my very accurate instincts from last year, the fear of this cold in my lungs is quite terrifying.

August will be filled with doctors appointments and testing. August 25th will be the one year anniversary of this new journey we are. I’m not sure how I feel about that …. stay tuned…

From the calm lakeside of Zebulon Cottages…




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