10 years old!

Today we celebrate Shane and his 10th birthday! We started the day with delicious homemade pancakes care of “moi” and ended the day by going to our favourite Mexican restaurant “Dos Mariachis” in Aurora.

He dressed for the occasion as you can see.

We have been so blessed with the gift of Shane. He can bring a smile to the most desolate persons face. Every day I am grateful that I never gave up on bringing another life into this world. One day soon I will tell that story, but right now I need to focus on this string bean redhead who cares so incredibly deeply.

Madison and Shane are so fundamentally different that they cannot be compared except to say they are polar opposites. Madison is so intelligent and cerebral she can baffle the brightest individual. Yet she is also far too sensitive and wise beyond her years; she’s knows all too well the reality surrounding her which scares me to death for her.

Shane is light, carefree, funny and always trying to please us. He goes above and beyond in every scenario. His dedication, perseverance and determination renew our faith that anything is possible. Because of these characteristics he shares freely… he is not scared to tell the world I have cancer. And in doing so, he enlists the support of his friends and entourage.

Today I received an email from his awesome teacher, Mme Josée. Although I can’t post the picture, she sent me one and shared that Shane’s friends chose, of their own volition, to run for me for the Terry Fox run this past Monday. But they chose this because of Shane, because he opened himself up and shared his reality with them… I know, no matter, that he will continue to believe anything is possible and I will overcome this new challenge.

However the reality is that harder days are coming for all of us. I am 9 days away from surgery. Yesterday I spent most of the day at the hospital for pre-op. There I met with the nurses who tried to prepare me emotionally for what I will be facing. I’m not sure it’s possible. What I do know is that waking up with only one breast will be something I’m not ready for. I’ve been through a lot in my life, yet it never left such a permanent visible mark; all my marks are hidden deep within my psyche and they are far more impactful than an amputated breast. The problem is I can’t hide this one, it will be visible to all, including my kids. I won’t be able to protect anyone from this… and this is my greatest challenge. Because Shane needs to keep his spunky keen spirit and Madison needs to her ultra sensitive hyper intelligent self protected from the reality that Mummy has a potentially deadly disease. But once they see me, not so much the physical aspect of a solo breast, but more of the fragile, a bit broken, facing reality me, I won’t be able to protect them from the pain.

So today I celebrate my awesome little boy who has brought only an incredible amount of laughter and joy to my life. And I pray that I have the strength to do what I usually do, and protect him from the pain life can bring…