Who said this was going to be easy?

It’s really hard to be me right now. What I mean by that is that those who know me well or those who see me on a day to day basis see me as completely normal, just regular old me. So it’s very easy to forget that I have a vicious disease in my body that is actually deadly, I just hopefully caught it on time that it won’t be. Living like this, knowing this, but appearing normal, is very hard. I’m having a hard time. I can only appear normal for so long. I think I’m starting to crack a little.

I don’t want pity. That is the last thing I want.. I just want to be able to feel what feel when I need to. Right now, this is here and now.

Unfortunately my dreams are not helping me either. My sleep is becoming more and more interrupted by nightmares that reflect my fears. All I can do is take one day at a time.. slow and easy.

But honestly, I don’t want me to today. Not at all!!! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.



  • It seems like its hard for me to know what to tell you, except that I love you ever so much.
    And that I know that you can get through this. Don`t give up to fear.
    Hope you feel better to day and all of the tomorrows.
    XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXXOOO.

  • Thinking of you and how well you are coping – your blog is such a healthy thing for you to do! Re the nightmares – I received some advice from a very wise psychologist when I was subject to them. He said that if you speak them aloud, you rob them of their power. Tell someone you trust about them in detail Preferably from beginning to end and at least twice- see if that helps. Love coming your way


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