Ann-Marie is kicking cancer’s ass

Ok, I have answers, and a plan.. I think!

Let me start off by saying I am super strong and not phased by what I am about to update you all on, because … I am a superstar! (Indulge me please.. go along with it, even if you don’t think so 😉).

You already know that the surgeon had identified that cancer was in the lymph node. Today the full pathology came back and we learned the cancer was in all 4 sentinel lymph nodes. This was not what the doctors were expecting. They were hoping only 1 was affected. Because all 4 are cancerous this increases the severity a bit. So, in terms of stage I am diagnosed at stage 3a. Of the 3s, it’s the best. Small mercies, we will take them wherever we can.

I was lucky that the oncologist also called me today. I have to stop for a second to say how impressed I am by the fact that this happens. Doctors calling patients personally… I don’t know, but I think we have it pretty good here in Ontario and our doctors are pretty remarkable! So thank you to all my doctor friends (and family 😉) for doing what you do.

But back to the call… firstly he called to see if I understood the results and was ok, which I did and am. He then let me know that I would have to undergo the full treatment; 6 rounds of chemo and then radiation.

So, chemo looks like it will start Nov 7th. And then the process starts.. from that point on I won’t know until I am full throttle in it on how my body will handle it. Or my psyche…

I started to write that I am “fully confident”.. but that does not express my true beliefs. I KNOW I WILL DESTROY AND CRUSH THIS CANCER. (Sorry for the caps ☺️). I have no doubt in my mind. And I won’t do it weakly, crouched and head down. I will stand up through it all with all my strength and my determination!

In my world, this is the only way. So I will attack this as I do everything else in my life.

Ready. Set. Go!💪💪💪😡😡😡

The last few days have been good, very good. Not in the sense of anything exciting happening because I’m still bored out of my mind with doing mundane, day-to-day tasks, but in a spiritual and self acceptance type of way.

I read back to my posts just prior to my surgery. They reminded me of the feelings I had prior to surgery; foreboding, anxiety , frustration with my lack of control over what was going to happen. Now however I am free. That is the best way I can describe how I feel. Logically I guess this makes sense because the cancer has been cut out of me and we hope gone forever. I’m relieved knowing this.. the weight has been lifted and I am free.

I am also free of the bandages finally! NOW I can take a shower!

🙌🚿🚿🚿🎉

I can’t wait for tomorrow to come!

This is just a short post to celebrate that the last drain is out!! I am free!

Enjoy your Sunday!

It’s so late.. too late for me to be up. However I need to write this, for myself and for others who are important to me.

Tonight we went out to Tara’s and Tyler’s, friends who have been so supportive and so present that I cannot imagine how I could ever express my gratitude. Just know that I am forever in your debt.. and I love you ❤️.

Before, during and after I have been very aware of my lack of one breast. For the first time I time I thought of my good friend Nadia’s mom. She had breast cancer when Nadia was a baby, then again when she was older, and last year (or the one before) she lost her battle. And I thought of her. I thought of her as I bathed.. imagining her body and realizing what I really had never seen when she was alive… her image, no breast, inconspicuous to most of us. But now as I lie here with one breast, trying to hide the reality to others, I think of her; her strength, her resolve, her perseverance.

And I think to myself; I do not want to die, ever. Or at least until I am 100. But it’s scary, because women do die of this. Just like Nadia’s mom. So, I remember with respect and admiration the woman who was so awesome and lived until the end, and who loved her children and grand children and gave them the gift of her love. I can only hope to be as successful and as gracious 🙂

I love to hear that people are reading my posts! I write for myself more than anything because, quite frankly, I know I will not remember all these moments like I do when they are in real time. I need to remember because that’s just who and what I am; the reality makes me stronger. But I also sincerely appreciate the feedback and the comments because I do go back and reread the blog at least once a week. When I read the comments, the words, the support, the love, drive me to continue to fight and be positive. I am energized by the interactivity and I don’t feel so alone.

So thank you Tina for the comment on Facebook; this post is dedicated to you ❤️.

I really had an uneventful day.. I slept, I ate, I went to clinic for my drain that is not yet out, I walked, I ate again and now here we are. Dull, boring, uneventful. However my nerve endings appear to be reconnecting.. not necessarily a good thing, although it was bound to happen, because now I’m feeling the bruising and like I have pins and needles.. I’m sure it will get a little worse before it gets better.

On the bright side, this weekend I am looking forward to getting out of the house a bit to socialize with great friends. I would also love to get some more exercise but I’m not sure the weather will cooperate. Sunday Pat, my mother in law, leaves us to head back to Ottawa. She has been a great help this week while I recuperated and we are so grateful for the support. Our freezer is kind of busting at the seams with all of the food friends and family have been making us but we will definitely be taking advantage of it all next week as we head into our first week on our own!

I am honestly happy, I am strong, and I ready for whatever is next.

Have a great weekend! ❤️❤️❤️

You are all my stars ✨

Today I took off the tensor that was wrapped around my chest, hiding my bandages and my other breast. I didn’t look when I took it off. I haven’t really been ready for that reality.

Tonight as I changed into my pjs I had no choice but to look. I’m not sad (or so I tell myself), I’m firm and strong.. this is temporary. I may never look like I did, but I will be alive. That is all that matters…. and I will continue to fight this no matter what it looks like!

💪💪💪

There are so many things I take for granted.. basic daily tasks like – taking a shower! Who knew I would have to maneuver the bathtub in such a way that I could get myself clean while keeping my drains and bandages out of the water AND not hurting myself!!! Let me tell you – that was my exercise today.. taking a bath! And it was extremely good thinking on Dan’s part (and Tammy) to get me a beautiful bath gift set from Occitane. Otherwise the bath wouldn’t have been worth it and he would be sleeping next to one stinky girl!

Applying make-up is also a challenge when you can only lift your right arm to below mid way. I’ve become creative in my application of mascara methods and have yet to poke myself in the eye! Thankfully I had one of the two drains removed today and am closer to independence, however my dreams of the other drain being removed on Friday were dashed this evening.. maybe Saturday.

I had two lovely surprises delivered today. The first was a beautiful scarf from a dear friend.

The second was a delivery of gorgeous flowers from my Sienna family.

And who knew rehabilitation now comes with room service!! How awesome is that?!! (I had to mark up the card a bit to maintain the confidentiality of the room service team).

My kids are awesome!

Let it be known that I suck at taking it easy!!! And it appears technology is against me also and doesn’t think I should rest and just watch Netflix. So here I am, writing..

I am 4 days into post op… yesterday I got out for my first walk and it was awesome! When the surgeon asked me if I had any questions before putting me under I did ask when I could run again (he looked at me like I had two heads when I asked that question🤔). He said likely 2 weeks, and after my walk yesterday I am fairly certain that is an accurate estimate because I do feel very strong physically. I’m hoping to connect with Carla (my trainer) this week to maintain that strength.

I do however need to watch what I do as these two pesky drains get in the way. Tomorrow one of the drains will be removed as it has consistently produced minimal fluid in the last two days. The other drain, the lymph node drain, is not so accommodating… if I have it out by Friday I will be ecstatic. But until they are both out, I cannot shower… and my right arm has reduced mobility so… washing my hair is a challenge. Which is a perfect excuse to go the hair dresser to have my hair washed and styled!! I went today and will go back again on Friday. If I must, I will continue into next week, and the week after and the week after .. LOL (I’m imagining Dan’s reaction as he reads this!)

I am so bored I actually asked my boss if I could come to work for a meeting next week… he said NO. 😩. Really the boredom is just an excuse because I love my work, I love my team and my peers and just want to be back in that environment even if only for 1 day. (MA are you reading this? Please can I come for just 1 day? 😉)

Being home does allow me to help the kids with whatever work they have to do. They are both doing very well since my return from the hospital. The night before surgery was extremely hard on them, but they quickly saw that I am ok, not in excruciating pain, and moving around fairly normally. Shane makes sure to check on me and Madison is doing an excellent job at being responsible. She actually got up all on her own today. And she cantered at riding on Sunday! (This has been a huge challenge for her).

As I wrap this up from my temporary post on my bed wrapped in my blanket of hugs, I wish you all a belated happy Thanksgiving! I have too much to be thankful for to even begin to list but know that I am grateful for all the love and support.

XOXO❤️

Hi, I’m back! Thanks to Tammy for effectively communicating my day yesterday. To sum it up, I was one cranky b*tch! OMG!

I was surprised to hear from the surgeon just before putting me under that they would look at the lymph node under the microscope to determine if it was cancer. I had a strong sense that it was so I was not at all surprised to hear him tell me this was the case when I woke up.

So we are back to “not good”. However, the breast has been removed as well as a large section of lymph nodes (they went back in a removed more when they got the positive result). Tuesday I will call the oncologist to see if we can have a conversation on next steps since the cancer in the lymph nodes has changed the situation.

The doctor on duty stopped by early this afternoon to check on my progress to release me. He asked me to open open my shirt to look and asked “bilateral mastectomy?” To which I responded “no, single… I’m just small thanks”. He had a chuckle and completed his 2 second examination then sent me on my merry way.

So I did come home today and my strength has been generally very good. I am falling asleep continuously, like right now, and I did have a bad couple of hours when I got home likely because I overdid it. The kids seem ok as well. I FaceTimed them from the hospital yesterday because they wanted to see for themselves how I was. I looked pretty good for someone who had just come out of surgery 😉!

I am very happy that I am not in the state I was imagining myself in. I know that my children are far less affected by this mostly controlled me than what I was imagining. More than ever this is one day at time.

For now I thank you for all your well wishes and your support. I am off to sleep to recover my strength to move forward with all that is to come.

🤗🤗🤗

(Disclaimer:  This blog is written by Me, Tammy, a devoted friend of Ann-Marie’s, as if it were Ann-Marie, based on what I think she might say today if she was up to it.  This blog is based on real events.)

Tammy is writing this blog today because I am in pain, groggy and wearing cranky pants.  Actually, I am now up and about, moving my arm around like a trooper, doing much better, but this blog entry is almost all written.

So D-day finally arrived and now it is done.  I am officially a one boob wonder, in all of its glory. In whatever ounce of humour I have left today, I just checked my chest over my gown and confirmed that they did do the correct side.  Small mercies.  Nurse Chad said it will take a bit of time to rebalance.

After passing some time in the surgical waiting area, answering a thousand questions with the nurse in a tiny room clearly not sized for the three of us in it, and waiting some more, I said goodbye to Dan and my friend and headed to the OR for surgery (with my cell phone in posession of course).

After it was over, I woke up in the recovery room to WAAAY too much noise and in a looooootttt of pain – probably 8 out of 10.

So what did I do?  I grabbed my phone and started texting people to let them know I was in recovery.  That’s when I got the news that my cancer is in fact in the lymph nodes, as confirmed by the surgeon under the microscope.  This means that more surrounding nodes were removed and that I am going to need chemo.

Not the news we were hoping for of course.  But it is what it is. I guess Tammy will be cooking some more meals for me in the near future.

So, I was moved to my room – semi-private.  Which you would think is a notable improvement from a ward room – but the ear-piercing, 1000 dB voice of the adjacent patient’s nurse, and the Grand Central Station of family chatter from the bed beside me is almost unbearable at times.

Thankfully nurse Chad is wonderfully nice and offered to speak with the nurse after she left. He is also the Gravol and Morphine administering angel that is trying to me make me as comfortable as possible.

Chad showed me my drains, explained that I may be discharged tomorrow if my bladder cooperates, and let me know a bit about the home care service I will get over the next several days.

In the meantime, I told Dan to stop staring at me, my friend to sit down, and they know I am my usual feisty (well bit$#y is the actual word I use) self and that I am going to get through it all.